Public Thnx4 Journal

This is actually five--count 'em, FIVE--gratitudes nested into each other.

Many divorced parents will know and understand this experience. I finally moved out of the home I shared with Shelly in late October 2015. Doing so scuttled our Thanksgiving plans. Since we have no family in the Bay Area and my social life was in disarray, this meant that Liko and I had nowhere to go on Thanksgiving--which was pretty much a crystallization of all my fears about busting up my family, as I thought of it then. (Here's how I think of it now: Liko, Shelly, and I are always going to be family.)

Michelle naturally invited me to spend it with her family, but I felt like it was far too soon to try to shove Liko into a new group of people for a holiday like Thanksgiving, given the upheaval in his life. However, when I discussed this dilemma with my father, he said something that turned out to be crucial: "If Michelle is your future, go toward her."

I took his advice and we spent Thanksgiving with Michelle's family. And you know what? It went great. Because Michelle has a great family. I don't actually remember very many details about the actual event; for me in this highly emotional period, it was all a blur. But I remember the only thing that mattered to me at the time, which is that Michelle's parents, sisters, aunt and uncle, and cousins welcomed Liko without hesitation into the family. That's been the case ever since. And later, they welcomed my dad to Thanksgiving as well.

It's now seven years later. I'm still Liko's dad, of course, and I'm still partnered with Michelle, but I'm also partnered with Adele. Shelly is in town and staying with us, and with my blessing she took Liko to spend Thanksgiving with the same friends she spent it with seven years ago. I'm spending it with Michelle's family as usual. But, for the first time, Adele invited me to spend it with her family in the Bay Area. When Michelle found out, she urged me to spend Thanksgiving with Adele and her people, but for various reasons I decided to stick to the original plan.

That was all pretty convoluted; my family situation might be more complicated than most people's. (Or is it?).

OK, ready for the five gratitudes? I'm grateful to my father for giving me the push I needed, all those years ago; it was exactly the right thing to say. I'm very grateful to Michelle's family for taking us in, and specifically for welcoming Liko and my father to Thanksgiving. I'm grateful that Shelly is alive and here with us, and spending Thanksgiving with friends who adore her, and for the fact that Liko can spend it with some of his childhood friends. I'm grateful to Adele for inviting me to her Thanksgiving. And (finally) I'm grateful to Michelle for encouraging me to go, even though I decided not to. Maybe next year?

I'm sharing this with a goofy picture of Michelle, my dad, and Liko at a Thanksgiving at Michelle's godparents house, because that seemed most appropriate.

My neice surprised me by sending me flowers for my birthday!!!

My therapist- she has s amazing. She is thoughtful, attentive and knowledgeable. I appreciate her help and support. Today, she shared tools that I can readily use. She also normalized some of the difficulties I am experiencing.

After 3 weeks, my sweet granddaughter is healthy again.
And after 1 week,my daughter and I are healthy too. Today I was able to play with my 4-year old sidekick for around an hour! I have missed her so much. We had a truly joyful reunion.

He parked further back in my driveway to give me more space to back up.

I was charged $70 for something unexpectedly that was supposed to be free. I sent emails to the company and was beginning to feel frustrated by what felt like a lack of response. I received an email the day I was feeling at the end of my patience. The person sending the response was kind, gracious and thorough.

My whole family is coming out of a period of sickness, beginning 3 weeks ago with the preschooler. Everyone else has had some version of sickness beginning a week ago. But now we are all on the mend and so grateful for our returning health!

The holidays can be tough for me and for my partner Adele, for not-dissimilar reasons. The other day she said something to me that was so insightful, about a kind of loss we have in common--something that we've both struggled to let go of. She was being so vulnerable with me that it hurt, and I felt less alone with my own loss, knowing she understood me and also understood what was happening inside of herself. That week we'd been veering dangerously close to a fight, but that moment alchemically turned our escalating anxiety and anger into intimacy and mutual support. This isn't an isolated incident. Recently, we've been so good to and with each other. We've been nudging each other into being good—not perfect, but better than we've been. The process wouldn’t work if it were one-sided; it's taken both of us together to move forward. I'm so grateful to her for that.

Parents took the 3 older girls so we could have a quiet day at home.

checked-in on me

Our shutdown is almost finished and all my team members has done a wonderful job completing their respective task. I am very thankful for the hard work and perseverance.

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